Allen and Lavi and Happily Ever After
by ElementalKitty
Summary: This is a collection of three drabbles that I made with drabble maker. They are truly hilarious, so I thought I'd share them. This is totally crack! Allen/Lavi
1. Chapter 1

**Languidly Tripping**

Allen tripped along spookily. He was on his way to meet his lover, Lavi, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a kitten hopping along, carrying a carrot in its mouth.

Allen was almost behind the door when he came across an impish cake, lying alone on a dull plate. "That must be a treat from my huge bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked glowing, so he ate it.

It gave him the most sparkle tingling sensation in his finger. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Lavi.

When Lavi came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Allen cried scarily.

"Your ear! And your tongue!" Lavi said. "They're cold! Can't you feel it?"

Allen felt his ear and his tongue. They were indeed quite cold. "Oh, no!" Allen said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that impish cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Lavi said. "I got you a table. It must have been that smooth man who lives nearby. He acts a little monotinously, ever since he slapped a spoon."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Allen sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Lavi said laughingly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your ear is really outrageous like that."

"Really?" Allen dried her tears. Allen kissed Lavi and it was an entirely delicious sensation, like a cat stretched lazily in the sun.

They spent the night having entirely delicious sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.


	2. Chapter 2

**A Spoon In Time**

On a huge and glowing morning, Allen sat behind the door. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His ear ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Lavi to love someone with a dull tongue?

Languidly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a delicious impish table, all on a summer's day. I wish my Lavi would slap me, in his own sparkle way..."

"Do you?" Lavi sat down beside Allen and put his hand on Allen's finger. "I think that could be arranged."

Allen gasped scarily. "But what about my dull tongue?"

"I like it," Lavi said spookily. "I think it's cold."

They came together and their kiss was like a cat stretched lazily in the sun.

"I love you," Allen said laughingly.

"I love you too," Lavi replied and slapped him.

They bought a kitten, moved in together, and lived monotinously ever after.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Delicious Stranger**

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Allen strode along the path, making for Dull Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Outrageous Carrot, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Ear.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his sparkle table just in time to face the glowing man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.

The man struck scarily, and Allen barely raised his table to meet the attack. They fought long and monotinously until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Allen found himself forced to one knee, the man's table pressed to his impish finger. "I am Lavi of Dull Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Outrageous Carrot. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you behind the door."

But Allen had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his table with a twist, overpowered Lavi and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Allen said, looking down upon him.

Lavi's tongue shimmered like a cat stretched lazily in the sun. "I have underestimated you, Allen. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Allen's desire was enflamed. His finger throbbed and all his thoughts were to slap Lavi like a kitten. Allen caressed Lavi's huge tongue and he responded. They came together spookily, and their joining was as smooth as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet spoon!" Allen groaned and slapped Lavi as laughingly as he could.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Allen said. "That's where I put the Outrageous Carrot for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed languidly on the grass, forgetful of all but their cold love. "We will stay together forever," Lavi said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Ear never got the Outrageous Carrot and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.


End file.
